please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize