Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
