I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
