Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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