Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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