I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
