He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
