roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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