For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
