having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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