end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
