Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i want to swaddle you in tequila
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
