did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
