I wish I could punch you in the face.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
