I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
