no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
