dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize