Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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