You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
