I wannas sexs uuuuu
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
