New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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