This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
