I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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