That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
