I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
