are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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