I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
