i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think i peed on brittanys purse
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
