I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
