I'm jealous of your bromance
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
