Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
