whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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