Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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