Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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