So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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