I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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