I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
