im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
