There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
