I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
mondays should just be called national damage control day
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
