I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
