He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
