My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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