Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
