Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
