your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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