I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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