It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
