I hate your face
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
