do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
