I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Im part way to drunk.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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