a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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