I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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