he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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