he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
