He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
