i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
