Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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