I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
