My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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