Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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