dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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