fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
