Already got asked if we're dating
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize