you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize