Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he was CRYING into my vagina
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
